The Undocumented

Life Post-Graduation: a sealed envelope

2011-09-01T11:43:00.001-07:00

I graduated last May. I graduated with honors, with an awesome resume, with great professional experience, and a very good network of people in the workforce and community.

By now friends I graduated with are all over the state working. Some got jobs abroad. Some are going to graduate school.

I am sitting at home. I am sitting at home writing about my post-graduation life. It does not include applying for jobs I would love to do or to go abroad. I couldn't; they want a 9-digit number I do not have. And they won't take my 9-digit number called ITN.

When I was in college, I struggled with many things, but did not struggle with knowing that I was going to graduate. Oh no. I knew I was going to graduate. It took so much work from so many people and myself, that not graduating was not an option. I never got in trouble, tried to stay away from it, did all I wanted to do academically (except for traveling outside the U.S.)--I worked at the MN Capitol, met many politicians, visited many states, interned for many organizations, did research, was a leader on campus and outside--and I had many connections. I mean, I had it going. I was going places. And people told me that.

When I was about to graduate, I wasn't worrying about what came next. I mean, I was Puck! Puck Fawlenty! No one could stop me. I knew people. I knew how to get what I wanted and I never stopped. I knew I had something after college. Not finding something I wanted to do was not an option. I as Puck. Puck Fawlenty.

Then, weeks passed and I couldn't land a thing. I applied to places and some told me because they knew my status they could not hire me. I did not want to apply to graduate school because I was told funding for that was going to be harder to get and without a job and access to loans, I just could not afford it. I was growing desperate. I started applying to jobs that did not require a degree, like mowing lawns, construction with certain companies, restaurants--no one would hire me. One, I did not know someone at this places, so I didn't have an in there. Others told me I was too qualified. My fault was sending my college resume. What else was I supposed to send?! I didn't have construction work experience or the like. I had focused so much in getting "higher-skilled" experience.

Late June my diploma arrived. I had a mix-feeling about it. I was very glad to have been able to finish school (and was a little tired of it at the end--academia can burn one out too). Actually, I was really proud of myself for finishing! Despite all the obstacles on my way, with great assistance, I made it all the way and I graduated. But I was still unable to do anything with my diploma/degree. I know many people are struggling with finding jobs and in some way that could just be my case. At the same time because of all that I had done (hence, I have an awesome resume!), it cannot just be that I cannot land a job because of the economy. It is about my status and not about my capabilities. I decided that I am not going to open the envelope that contains my diploma until i can actually use the degree.

Late June too I had a freak-out moment and ended up requesting work where some of the men in my family work. So, the next day I went to work. Got up at 5:30am and went to work in a tremendous heat. I came back home late at night. And every day was the same: long hours, hard work, a suffocating heat, sometimes no time to eat all day, and there was the risk of getting pulled over for driving to and from work. It was stressful.

Some of the white males who worked there warned me to not get sucked into that job. They told me about the injuries they've suffered and the health problems they have. I hear about that from people in my family too. Some August I stopped working there. And now I am here, writing about how much I would like to find something that uses my skills and talents. Being Puck has not served much.

I don't want to be depending on someone else. Now that savings are running low and that I do not want to be depending on someone else because of my ego, I am probably going to end up doing the work I could have been doing back in high school. But I'll have a degree.

Now to know how disappointed I am is the saddest part of all. I went around talking to people about going to college and why people should--at the end of the day, people want to know that after college there is something. And right now there is nothing. I don't want to tell people that. I don't want people to know that yet again we are being used, being played with our future.

I am just glad I am in MN, with my family and people I love. While things are not what I want them to be in terms of career and work, I would not change anything about what I currently have.

For now I am volunteering my life away. I like doing all these things I am doing. I just want something that would pay me, something that I like to do. The problem is not not finding something to do, but it is something that I want to do that will pay me--immigration status, something that defines much of what I can and cannot do, is once again taking its toll on me. I am optimistic that soon I will find something great!

I just hope that opening that envelope does not take too long.

Class on Immigration/Me

2010-09-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

So, this year I found there is a class offered about immigration. I decided to take it.

What has been interesting all long thus far has been the fact that often times I hear comments criminalizing my being. Other times I hear comments that I feel they are talking about me. It's an agonizing feeling.

Part of me wants to talk all the time because I feel like I want to make others think about immigration in other ways. But another part of me says that I am there to learn not to teach, so I should not be the one trying to teach anything to anyone. It's complicated.

Another part of me wants to leave this class.

Food for thought I guess.

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

NAVIGATE: resources for MN undocumented students

2010-07-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

Recently there has been an increase in the need for information for undocumented students. While there are many organizations working for immigrants and immigration reform, there has been little focus on students. There is one organization working for the needs of students to access all public schools, but it does not do much to inform students about the possibilities of today.

NAVIGATE, a student-led organization, is the only group that is trying to address the need for correct, Minnesota and student focused information. What is interesting too is that the students do public speaking, where safe of course, about once a week! Remarkable. There are also written documents for students to learn how to navigate the process to college in MN. And the group is also about to publish a guide for undocumented students in MN!

Here's a pamphlet that they have. The website is not working for some reason, but they have some good information there. I hope it is just a temporary thing.

All the information is free. They do presentations on college access to students, families, and those working with them such as teachers, counselors, community leaders.

The group can easily be reached: team@navigatemn.org. Props to students!

The Honorable Puck

Undocumented people saving MN's congressional seats

2010-03-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

So, there has been a lot of talking in MN about how we might lose one of our congressional districts. Well, I say, "Fear no more. We will save yo'all." Really, without joking, if we count everyone in MN, we are not going to lose any congressional district. I would hate to see Keith Ellison's district get reshaped or have Michele Bachmann represent me (now that would be funny) if where I live becomes part of her district. Obviously I don't want this to happen (Michele Bachmann needs to go anyways).

In total seriousness, if we count EVERYONE, we will be fine. And I mean IF WE COUNT UNDOCUMENTED MN RESIDENTS TOO. I am getting counted. I am making everyone know that they need to get counted. There has been little work around this, but I never shot my mouth, so people I come in contact are hearing it from me. My family is getting counted for sure. Supposedly adding 7,000 people in the state could make the diference between having seven or eight seats." Ummm, we got it covered. There are enough undocumented people who haven't been counted yet.

MN Congressional peeps, we undocumented people of MN got your back. We will get counted, save one of you your job and hopefully you keep us in mind when they make decisions concerning our future. People want us to get counted, look at this headline: Census 2010: Undocumented immigrants are urged to stand up and be counted.

Minnesota undocumented people to the rescue of MN congressional districts!

Need info, go here.

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

A first MN winter story

2010-03-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today I just felt like writing, but I have no ideas right now. Maybe something will come to my mind as I think about stuff.

Oh wait, I have something!

The other day, maybe in February, it had snowed and the ice under had been covered. There was no way to see the ice. As I was walking to work I slipped on the ice, my phone and iPod flew high and then hit the ground as I hit the ground too. It was on campus. I was a little embarrassed I have to admit. I picked my phone and iPod and kept walking, snow all over my back and I knew some people were gazing at me. I kept walking.

A block away or two from my falling, the thought that came to mind brought me back to my first winter in Minnesota (years ago!). I remember that during the first snow flakes falling my mom would say it would look really pretty outside and that I was going to love it here. It was really cold I remember, but I was this rebel kid who would pretend it was not cold and did not wear a sweater until like December, when it was below zero. My family would always say something about that.... Though, besides saying that it would be pretty outside once it really snowed, my mom warned me to not fall. Because if I fell, that would mean that I would not leave the U.S. for at least 7 years. "7 years?! I don't want to be here 7 years!" I would say and think to myself.

It did not take long for me to fall. If I remember correctly, I fell going to school. I got up and pretended like nothing happened (yeah talk about repressing feelings). Later that day I admitted to my family that I had in fact fallen, but that I did not want to stay here 7 years! I wanted to see my siblings and friends back where I was born, and I wanted to be where I spoke the language and I wanted to go to a school where people spoke my language and I wanted to not stay here for 7 years!

My cousin laughed and said he had fallen his first winter and he is still here. Then my mom told a story about when she fell. My aunt then described here odyssey falling by a moving car.... She laughs about it now! Then everyone is talking about falling and how it happened to them. Then they told me to not be pretentious. Fine, I said.

And I am still here. It has been more than 7 years. I still want to see the rest of my family I haven't been able to see for so long! There are even new members and I would really like to meet them! Phone calls, I hate the phone calls. I want to see them! I am not sure 'friends' are still there. I lost touch with everyone. One of my relatives always talks about seeing this person or that person, and sometimes I don't even remember who they are. I long for the day I get to see them.

I know that I am not leaving soon either. I know I just fell this year, which means 7 more years (supposedly). But the reality is that I live here, my family is here, my friends are here, my schooling is and will be here, and in reality, everything I really know is here. I grew up here. I want to stay here. I would like to visit where I came from, but I believe this to be my home today. I don't want to start all over again.

I do yearn for the day to be able to come out of the shadows. I hope it does not take a falling every 7 years during winter then so that I get to stay here. MN is my home state, and I love it here!

Seeking a Wife

2010-03-12T18:30:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I met with a lawyer to talk about my immigration situation. I went in sort of knowing what I was going to hear. There are really not many options for me to get my permanent residency aside from a few options.

One of those options is that I become a victim of a gross crime. That is probably not going to happen, hopefully. Or I am part of a natural disaster. And I hope that does not happen. I hope our bridges stay put for ever and ever, so lets keep funding them for sure.

Marriage is another option. One, I do not want to get married now. For some time people, including my family, had been telling me that I should just marry someone who is a U.S. citizen. So it cannot be anyone else, I am limited. I had considered this before, but I opted out because if I marry, I want it to be because I fall in love and become committed to this one person. I do have traditional views on marriage. But what if I fall in love with someone who looks like me, someone who pees standing like me? Does my love and commitment to this person also by default ensure me what the marriage recognized by the Federal Government ensures those who get married to a U.S. citizen?

I was at this student conference a few years ago and someone said that we should just get married. It worked for this person. My concern was that it is something that works for someone, but not for everyone. Those part of the LGBT community are kept out of this process. Even if the idea that love is our solution, it is only a limited and restricted one.

Today I was reminded about this marriage idea. I always think about it in a satirical way because it is just the most ironic thing that marriage could be my only feasible solution. So when I was on the net earlier I saw this article that mocks the idea that our only option is marriage.

While I am sure some people do it because they believe in marriage and because they are committed to each other, we also need to recognize that many are not going to be able to do this for many other reasons. It is not a viable solution and it should not be the solution.

The other option to solve my immigration troubles is to solve and correct the immigration system. In the mean time I am going to go and work out my courting skills and see if I catch some U.S. citizen to marry me :)

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

Coming Out: An Undocumented Movement

2010-03-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

“Brothers and Sisters, you must come out! come out to your parents, come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends, come out to your neighbors, come out to your fellow workers. Once and for all, let’s break down the myth and destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake, for their sake. For the sake of all the youngsters who’ve been scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene. On the Statue of Liberty it says ‘ Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free.’ In the Declaration of Independence it is written, ‘All men are created equal and endowed with certain unalienable rights.’ For Mr. Briggs and Mrs. Bryant and all the bigots out there, no matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words from the Declaration of Independence! No matter how hard you try you can never chip those words from the base of the Statue of Liberty! That is where America is!”

-Harvey Milk

For some time now I have been dwelling with the idea of coming out.

And I mean coming out in the sense in which it is used by the LGBT community. The idea that one is forced to not hide certain characteristics of oneself in order to avoid others from discriminating you. This fact is so prevalent in my life. Only counted individuals know that I am undocumented. In reality, I do not tell people because I am afraid my friends might target me, especially in school.

Often times I feel that I just have many imaginary friends. This I say because certain comments some of my 'friends' make me shake at points. Sometimes I try to refute their stance without really coming out to them, without really revealing that if the nation were to apply some of the policies they believe would great, I would be a victim, that I would fall captive of their ideas. And I mean captive in a literal sense.

At points I really feel that if I came out to these friends they will be more sympathetic towards me and towards advocating for laws that would potentially benefit me and in retrospect keep me here, where I want to stay, as their friend. I believe that when you come out to others, they are more likely to be with you at any cost even if their views did not align with such believes before. I also believe in the power of stories and in the human spirit and that we make connections through our humanity.

However, coming out is scary. I dread the day I come out to those close to me who do not know I am undocumented. I dread this day because I have no idea what I am supposed to say. I have no idea how they would react and I have no idea what happens next. Sometimes living in the shadows, as I have since I reunited with my family here in the state, is the way I should live because coming out means confronting my biggest fear: finding out that some of my friends would give me up to immigration. I dread jail, I have said that before. I DREAD BEING BEHIND BARS, then leaving my family, separating from my family, not finishing school, leaving all my friends behind, leaving mostly everything I know behind, leaving the place I call home behind.

Next week there are these students from Illinois coming out to the world. While some of us are sometimes forced to come out because something drastic happens, these students are taking the streets to protest the fear we live everyday. They are standing up for the rest of us; They are standing up for all of us (including the documented community because you and I are as important for the integrity of this society. Without you or me we are not a whole). They want to bring up the silent raids the Obama Administration is conduction, raids done in our homes, in the dark, in silence. But just as painful as raids during daylight or in front of everyone. These students want to say, "Enough is enough. Here, arrest us! Do it in front of everyone, remove us, intelligent and bright students, from making any further contribution to this our country! Do it in public while everyone is watching."

I commend these students. They are bold and courageous. I fear for them. I feel for them. I pain for them. It takes a lot to come out, it certainly does. I do hope them the best.

Here is where I am with my coming out today: I will only come out if it gets us votes. I believe that we need to pressure the Administration, but without the votes from the states, we will not go far. The question now is how do we get those votes in MN (I live in Minnesota, so I am limited to this state votes). A very detailed analysis of each MN Congresspersons should be a good start. I am sure intelligent Michele Bachmann is not going to vote for the DREAM Act or Comprehensive Immigration Reform. But who would?

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

Excuse me?

2010-02-07T15:40:00.001-08:00

So, obviously I have a lot of friends whoa re documented (U.S. born, 'green-cards,' etc). The other day I was talking with one of them and this person asked me about how I was paying for school. I told this person about everything I have to do to afford college, which is a lot really (or a lot compared to what other students have to do).

What was the reaction of my friend? "You don't take loans?!" Me: "No, I can't." This then turned into how awesome it was that I did not have to take loans! At some point my friend said, "You are so lucky because you don't have to take loans! I do! and they are a lot!" This statement saddened me and made me a little upset.

I was upset to how my friend said I have it better (I am not trying to compare myself to others, but this one did get to me) and how I was not going to have any debt when I graduate from college and so on. What?! I WISH I could take loans and apply for them and do a lot less to pay for college and more importantly, get a job once I graduate and have a future. Graduation to me right now is going to be like the end of all I could and was allowed to do - it is going to be an exciting moment, but it will also be a terrifying moment because I will be unable to do many things.

What my friend did not realize was that such comments hurt me a little. I mean, if I had the chance to not live in the shadows, I would be able to do many things. Privilege is so sneaky, that my friend did not check it before saying that my life is easier for not having to take loans when in fact I cannot take loans even if I need them. Privilege, privilege, so elusive and destructive.

The Honorable P

What the Future Holds

2009-12-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

WOW! I haven't blogged here for some time now. I just have been doing other stuff and blogging has not been a priority. But I am still alive and kicking. And in school of course.

This time I have been thinking much about what happens after college. I know some students are graduating this year and I am sure that other have already. Immigration reform or the DREAM Act have not passed. It is certainly an uncertain future.

The other day I was traveling with someone and we were listening to mpr.org and something they were talking about was the building of new detention facilities for immigrants. I jokingly said, "Oh one of those might be where I end up." The person with me said, "Please don't say that." While is is a disturbing though, being a well-behaved citizens (and I don't mean it in the legal sense, but in the commitment to society and the well-being of our communities) and always contributing to society, there is always the probability that I could be incarcerated. And probably nothing I or others do will matter.

With that said, I want to acknowledge that I have spent some time contemplating what is going to happen with me in the future. While I do not know what will happen to others, I must start thinking about what could happen with me, if I do not end up in a prison. So, a lot of thinking and strategizing about what my future will look like. with a college education, I certainly do not want to get a job where my education will not be used.

More on this later for sure.

The Honorable P

The College Path: On (Not) Making it to College

2009-09-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

Now back to my college talk--which I had postponed for a bit.

This time I would like to talk about why some students made it to college and why others did not.

I would like to point out my privileges first, which really speaks to some of the advantages I had over other students. My family was here when I was in high school, so I always had a place to go after school, I had food to eat every night, I had someone, usually, to call me off when I was not doing what I was supposed to [if you know what I mean...]. It also meant that I did not someone to support where my families comes from. I did not have to be committed to bringing an income home, but I am sure my family would have appreciated it if I had been working all the time. Often times I had someone come to my school deals, such as those infamous parent-teacher nights. Mine always went well because I was so smart (NOT!).

Also, I am a male and that really cuts to the chase. Because of my gender I was able to stay after school without being harassed as a female would. Also, I was able to volunteer at places and not worrying about what time to come home--taking the bus was not worry for me because I did not worry about being attacked or anything like that. I walked the streets at night that was fine, again, because as a male I was less likely to be assaulted.

Another thing is that my way of living was more acceptable in our society here. The way I dressed is more acceptable here, so I got more credibility on that. I also spoke with manners, most of the time, and that gave me an advantage over others as well. All of this is a big deal because how one is perceived either opens or closes doors and certainly many were open to me just because the way I looked.

I was part of school programs that gave me some guidance to getting to college. This is something many students don't have access, especially if they live in rural areas of the state. For some time I had been asking for after-school something, so there is also the problem some students face: is the environment safe enough for them to ask for some guidance? If a student does not feel safe, she is not going to ask more likely.

Now, there are systematic problems as well. The education system, tied with the workforce one, is not designed for everyone to make it. Low-skilled (not professional-educational attainment based) workers are needed for the economy to subsist, which is why immigration is crucial for the U.S. to make it day by day. Also, if every student were to make it college (St. Paul has one of the highest rates of student graduation in the country, but it is about 30% only!), we would need to stop constructing prisons and construct more schools, which will not bring any profit, right? We will also need to create more jobs that pay livable jobs with benefits all the other jazz that comes with that and again, that would not compliment the economic system we have today.

Moreover, there are not many we know who had really made a breakthrough. The only people I knew who had been successful were my teachers and most of them were white, and the ones who looked like me either got "replaced," "transferred," or worked part-time only. There were many negative messages coming to us through school and of course where we live because our families are working jobs that don't pay much, don't require an degree but hard or tedious physical labor. Really, we have a great lack of role models.

Moreover, the environment in which we live certainly affect us. We don't have heroes pointing to college, so we might not think about doing something after school. Immigration is a daily topic in our lives, so many things, if not everything, ends up being about immigration. And there are laws related to immigration that prevent some students from having access to some schools.* Being undocumented can mean many things and in the mind of many, not being able to go to college has been embedded in their minds, both by anti-immigrants and pro-immigrants.**

Then we have friends dropping out of school right and left, which really pushes some to drop out as well. I remember seeing many of my friends just leaving school for work. They then had money and all that and the rest of us of course want to have what they had, materially at that point in life. And then you have no way for schools to try to assist students, not that I know that is.

On top of all of that, we have the distractions that are just not avoidable. These are falling in love with someone, a good deal at a job, gangs that provide some support when one does not have it at home, those damn drugs. Sexual orientation creeps in this too since families might throw someone away for identifying as gay and for others for not working even if school will be more beneficial in the long run, ETC! It can really get to be a tough one.

And then you have our families that do not know much about the college process. This really gets hard because if one wants to go to college, convincing the family is hard. If a student does not want to go to college, then that does not become such a big deal anyways because we all think college is not possible.... Family is a big thing, so I will talk about it in another blog post.

Over all, I had the family support many of my classmates did not. Many had to work in order to sustain themselves and often times support someone back where they came from, so priorities became a bit different: work to support family over school, which does not give immediate results and it would be naturally for some to just work because that is the only way a family will survive.

Now that I can be a role model, I get out there whenever I can to show students like myself that it is possible, damn hard, but possible. And really hope more students, undocumented and not, join me in the Movement of Inspiration, something both the anti- and pro-immigrant foes do not care much about.

I also have to say that personal responsibility is important, but sometimes, I know, the systematic failures are more powerful than a human being. And yet those who succeed do it themselves, with the assistance form others. No one does it alone, so seeking assistance is crucial and having the resources is just as important.

Now going to go keep on contributing in changing the world, after I do my homework....

The Honorable P

*Which is something some advocates fail to point out, but that's another topic I will cover another time, maybe when I am less frustrated about it.
** Related to above thought

Hate & Violence Gets US Nowhere

2009-09-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

School has kept me busy and wished time allowed for more writing because I have been going through many things. But, the most recent is here.

Today I was able to attend a really for immigration reform in Minneapolis. It was quite a different kind of rally: it was combined with door-knocking, just as campaigns are done and how one gives a face to the movement.

There was also singing (some of us are not very gifted in that, I noticed), chanting, and walking in unity.

While I do not want to focus in the negative, I did notice tension. This tension came when a group, somewhat militant, started chanting more negative and divicive things. I mean, the things they said were true, but the way it was done divides people and does not create dialogue--it pushes people away. Plus, there were some young teens who spoke, sometimes with tears in their eyes, about what is happening in their lives.

They were speaking from the heart, now the broken immigration system has destroyed their lives--for some, parents have been taken away when the best interests of children, many times U.S. citizens, were blatantly disregarded.

These group was asked to just keep it to songs that were about love and peace and union and community and caring for the neighbor. When they started chanting their own chants, I noticed the atmosphere changed. It was more reactionary and to some degree, more militant. It was attacks on others as if the stories of the young teens has not been enough to point out the we in fact do need and must pass comprehensive immigration reform. I overheard a comment by someone from this group saying they have to tell it how it is. Didn't the teens say it how it is? How it is actually affecting their lives? Another person did point out that since it was not their event, they should respect what the other organization asked from participants. The person protested, again, because civil discourse will prevail if there is the will.

I biked to this place, which was somewhat far, but it is a beautiful day here. It was also a chance to reconnect to helping the movement that will eventually bring some sort of peace to millions of people, including me and many I know.

For some time now I have been wanting people to see a show I have seen and nicely recommended it to someone today. The response I got was: "looks like an interesting play about a white woman stuck in the broken immigration system." It made me sad. It pointed out a few things. One, some people cannot get passed that some white people are aware of their whiteness and what the means for them and the rest of the people. Maybe this person, obviously not white, did not read that the performer actually extensively talks about white privilege.

So, really, when people are caught up in their own worlds of, attacking politicians dramatically is going to get them anywhere or labeling every white person as racist without really seeing for themselves, they inherently push people away and will never be able to create real unity. In some way, the person who labels every person as racist, they are doing the same way racist people do (actions): put people into boxes and hate them for what they stand for. Again, this is divisive even within communities of color; at least it made me uneasy and not wanting to do much with their "causes."

Recap: I do not prescribe to militant movements or the demonizing of others based on their prescribed race.

Sad thing is: the performers is biracial--not just white, but biracial, which today is a presidential matter.

The Honorable P

The Great Gathering of Privileged

2009-09-08T11:19:00.001-07:00

(I am going to take a little break from talking about college access.)

Yesterday I went to the MN State Fair. Have been going for a few years now. Though, it never occurred to me that I have been at the fair because of the privilege I enjoy here.

I know I am undocumented, but getting into college and the process of getting there has opened many doors for me. The fact that I have met many people throughout my time here in MN is really due to my efforts to get to college. These people provide networking. Networking provides access to things not everyone has access to.

The Fair, I believe, is a place of privilege. I remember a few years ago when I wanted to take my family there because I had been to it and wanted them to be there too. They did not want to because, one, it was too expensive. Two, what if immigration was there? Three, we don't go there.

Well, I went and it was all fine. Yeah it is pricey, but it is worth it. Plus, we know immigration is a racist institution today, so they are not going to go to a place where mostly white Americans gather every year. It's a tradition in our state; immigration will not make such an stupid move. Imagine whites getting at immigration for asking for their immigration... it just won't happen.

Overall, people who attend the fair are people who have the money and do not fear for their safety based on their status. I am sure many people don't see it this way, but the fair is really another place where privilege comes together every year ending on Labor Day.

I do have to say that I enjoy the fair because it always allows me to be part of something many would not want me to. Even though this time I did not have to pay for an entrance ticket, again thanks to my connections and therefore privilege, and was not able to be one in the crowd to help break the record of attendants to the fair, I was still there. But even more exciting, I was able to hear Republicans talk about their gubernatorial campaigns--I am sure they would not have wanted me to be there at all....but I was! Check out my picture.

I did not know who any of them are (many republicans do not get along very well with people of color in MN by the way), but the guy behind the speaker in the picture, Marty Seifrt, who spoke against the Dream Act fiercely and made me really sad he was willing to forgo potential professionals for politics. I do hope he does not become governor of MN.

The Honorable P

The path to college #2: No idea

2009-08-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not posting for some time now; I have been changing the world… Well, not really. Anyways, this time I am going to post about how complicated it is to get to college. This will be a four or five piece work.

It has been a while since I got into this deal about going to college, and let me tell you that it was not easy.

For one, there were just too many things I did not know. I did not know that college was an option for me. What about financing college? No idea. I knew my family did not have the means to support me in college financially and I suspected that the government was not going to help me, which ended up being true. Then there was the question about what school would I go. Well, I did not know what schools accepted undocumented students or what I was supposed to do. Overall, I did not have the slightest idea about the college process—there is such thing as college process? Yeah, exactly.

In addition, there is the whole thing about convincing one’s family that it will all be okay if one tried to go to college. Our immigrant families (remember I am talking about families in the U.S. that could not and/or are not able to get immigration stuff straighten up for many reasons thus far) are more likely to come from low-income, low-skilled social class and are more likely to be low-income and in low-skilled jobs (although low-skilled is a relative term (more about this later)). This means that they too have no idea about the college process and what it would take for their school-age daughters/sons/relatives/friends to get into college.
As a student, trying to get one’s family or relatives to understand that one wants to go to college gets a little tedious. That the family might not know about college is one obstacle. Often times, I remember, trying to explain how I would get to college to my family ended up in being questioned and challenged due to my immigration status. Questions such as, “Oh Puck, and how are you going to pay for it?” or statements such as, “immigration is going to get you,” or “it’s your choice.” Well, yeah it was my choice, but it was just hard and sometimes burdensome to hear such comments by my own family members, those who were supposed to be with me on everything and anything.

I mean, think about it. I, the greatest student (joking here just so you know), could not convince my own family that I will make it to college! For the love of dogs, why didn’t they get it? Why didn’t they believe me? Why were they succumbing to fear? Why were they dragging me down that path? Didn’t they get that my dream was to go to college? Didn’t they see that I, unlike so many of my peers in school (more on this later too), actually was trying hard in school? I actually wanted something meaningful after high school

Additionally, as a student of “color,” immigrant, first generation, low-income, and whatever else you want to throw in to the equation, there are not many role models one can look up to. When I was in high school, there were not many who looked like me or like my schools peers—my school was mostly students of “color.” [I put color in quotation marks for lack of a better word and because I believe being white is a color]. Where I lived I just knew people like us, people who were mostly from other countries, many undocumented, many uneducated, no person who had actually gone on to college, many doing manual work for no nigh wages. TV is just disproportionally one color and one class and always misrepresenting others and seems that they looooove stereotypes. Oh, and in high school, I was never really taught about people like me who had made history—we did talk about African Americans from time to time, but other than that, not really (“diversity” meant “black”).

Obviously I am in college today in the great state of Minnesota. With the help of many and efforts from me, I have defied all odds against me. This blog will later be followed by what I experienced with my family while pursuing entrance to college, what I learned of the college process, what I believe many of my schools peers never made it to college and why some did, and maybe someday why “low-skilled” is a relative term. Stay tuned; make comments.

The Honorable P

The uncertain future

2009-08-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

As a student in college, and undocumented, it comes easy to be invited to speak to other high schoolers who might find themselves in the situation I found myself in a couple of years ago: what is after high school graduation. The last couple of years of high school for me were very much about that, about thinking what I will do after working so hard in school and at the end, it would have been "worthless." I thought getting to college was not going to happen nor that it was possible even.

Through the help of certain programs who get it, who believe that education should be available to everyone, I made it. Now it has been my pleasure to go around and speak to students in high school who are confronting such questions about the future. I often times find myself highlighting the different people, organizations who will support them. I also point out that it will be up to them to seek the necessary help, and that sometimes some will give them wrong advice, even that college is not possible for them. But, as my life attests, college is a possibility even though there is no one-way for us to get there.

Last week when I was speaking to a group of students who are going into the 9th grade, some asked about where I was from (maybe to make a personal connections), others asked about whether or not I was bilingual (if I spoke the same language as their families), some others asked if I liked soccer (not my favorite sport I have to admit, but sometimes enjoy it. I do own a soccer team wallet...), but one of them asked me about what she had heard: after college one would not be able to get a job even with a degree. I have had this question before many times, and I am always honest. There is not a clear answer to what will happen after we graduate. We have heard stories of students being hired by their own schools after a long process, students being hired by others, and some going to other parts of the world to work.

However, I always emphasize that today what should be important is to continue to get educated by any means, that is the only way out of inequality and injustice. But also, that they cannot forget that we all hold power. If many of us are believed to have brought down the economy (which is B.S.), our masses definitely hold power in this country and we must put that to use. And this can come through engaging in our communities, giving our time to other kids tutoring, giving our time to organization that get people out to vote or making sure those we know who can vote actually vote(we can influence voting outcomes), etc.

There are more than 60,000 students who graduate from high school every year who are undocumented and certainly, at least, a small percentage of us go on to college. There are thousands of us in college today receiving a high valued education. We are assets to our communities and the country. The country needs our skills. Society is in deep need of our high qualified work. Hopefully, soon laws would change and allow us to fully become members of society, so that we contribute even more than we do today.

Overall, even if often times younger students become discouraged for what the future might hold, my message is always about hope. Hope that they may continue to stay in school and out of trouble. Hope that they can see themselves as change makers, in their families and communities. Hope that immigration laws change soon. Hope to keep dreaming and setting goals for life. And hope that education will grant us a better future.
As you can see, I am a very optimistic person.

The Honorable P

"Ignorance is Strenght," in favor of who?

2009-08-17T07:23:00.001-07:00

I got this book, 1984 by George Orwell, from a friend after we talked about government surveillance, especially after U.S. 9/11 (not mentioning the 9/11s of other countries caused by us). I had heard about this for a while now, but had chosen not to read it until my friend gave me the book after he read a book I asked him to read. Even though this book is a little dry for me, I have managed to get through it almost.

The reason why I bring this book up is because while I was reading it today, I read a few sentences that really stroked me as relevant to my life and the lives of many others. This is the passage:

"The masses never revolt of their own accord, and they never revolt merely because they are oppressed. Indeed, so long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparisons they never become aware that they are oppressed...The problem, that is to say, is educational" (Orwell, 1984).

During a meeting over the weekend (who really likes meetings over the weekend?) I was reminded about how the life I am living today is very similar to that of a slave (this is a stretch, I know) in that I need to seek to be in locations where I can be "free." Frederick Douglass once said, "I didn't know I was a slave until I found out I couldn't do the things I wanted," which speaks about how I feel as an undocumented student. Also, my life today resembles that of a Jew in Nazi Germany, where I must choose who I tell I am undocumented, make sure I know who knocks on our door, be wary of the neighbors, and even the government. This I know because I a have studied both periods in history, which is different than many I know, as I describe later.

While I was with my family this weekend, we were talking about immigration, which is not a shocker really. But, someone mentioned about their jobs and the kind of work they do. It reminded me about how little possibility they have really to move up social class spectrum (had ladder here, which made me laugh since they actually work with ladders...), which is what many want to do.

Here is my reasoning and how it relates to the aforementioned 1984 quote. I know that I am being oppressed in many ways (and I am doing something about it) and I also know that many of my family and those we know are being oppressed. But, which is different with me, they do not know that the jobs they hold is really due to oppression. They think that because they did not go to school or become specialized in something, they cannot get a better job. And even going to school is not feasible for them; they have to work to sustain families, and so forth.

Moreover, they do not know the history of oppression, at least in our country. I asked some people I know if they knew about the grape strike, segregation, the Holocaust, or the genocide of Natives in the Americas. No one really knew what I was talking about. Some hardly knew who Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, or even who Gandhi is. They've heard about segregation, but do not really know what that means.

In reality, they are stock in the same low-income, low-skilled jobs and in neighborhoods that are decaying day by day. They have no knowledge of what oppression has been for others to what they are living and how their stories are so intertwined, how they are being oppressed day by day. It is a sad realization.

However, in the past year I have seen something new--they are learning what their rights are. Knowing our rights, limited of course, at least allows us all to be treated with some dignity although I have heard stories where that has not been the case. Immigrant rights advocates, at least those who actually care about the people and not just their organizations, are part of this change. And this change will help us all come together and "revolt" (nonviolently) or, as Douglass puts it, "Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will."

Therefore we must demand, so that we might one day come out of the shadows. We, immigrants and allies, showed our power in 2006 when more than 40,000 people in Minnesota joined to march against draconian proposals in Washington, D.C. We succeeded that time, and I know that as we all become more educated and learn that our oppression cannot outlast our will to a better future, we will succeed again.

"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe." Frederick Douglass

- The Honorable P

Turn your head and caugh, damn it!

2009-08-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

I am applying for a program in the fall. I have to do a lot of paperwork. When I read in one of the forms, after doing a lot of work for this and paying the application fee, that a physical and insurance coverage are required, I became very frustrated.

For once, I thought I did not have to deal with anything related to immigration when applying for this program. But again, I was reminded about it because I do not have health care insurance. This was a real deal-breaker for me once I found out about this requirement. Then, I found out that through my school I get some sort of coverage, which could be used in order to actually be able to do this program I really want to do.

After this I called to make an appointment for my physical. I had to give personal info, which is normal. But then, I was asked to give my social security number. I don't have one! I asked if I had to give a number and the person asked, 'Do you have a problem giving me this information?" "Yes I do," I said. I felt angry at myself for giving that answer, but I was not about to explain my life to this person over the phone. I was angry at the fact that, again, I was reminded about immigration and what I can and cannot do.

Sometimes I wish I could just forget. Sometimes it feels like a burden to be constantly reminded about it all. Sometimes I wish I could live a normal life, a life that is not so limited and constrained by rules that oppress. I, for once, would not want to be reminded all the time about it.

At the same time, I cannot forget that I can be part of the solution and that I can make a difference in the outcome of what happens with students like myself. I will certainly keep my head up, even if sometimes it is hard, and continue to work for my future and the future of our great country.

I know now that I have to take that physical, do the whole "turn your head and cough" thing. But I know that even though it took some courage to find out about whether or not I could still do this program, I will be doing the program and that I will be having an awesome semester. This really affirms that if one really cares about something, one would do what it takes to get there, and yes, even doing the whole "turn your head and cough" deal.

Is it always about immigration?

2009-08-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

I was walking to a movie with my friends from college, who happen to be white. They made some jokes, racially charged, and I fired a joke about immigration and whites (Side note: if someone thinks they are going to make jokes about minorities, don't expect I will just listen and laugh; I will fire back with a great "white" joke...which makes my white friends flinch!). One of them asked me, "Is everything about immigration?"

Puck: "Actually, a lot in my life is about immigration."

This statement highlights two things. One, it speaks about how little some of the friends I have in school know about me. These are people I do not really trust with my "secrets." In reality, there are not many students in school who know I am undocumented, which is very interesting to think about. I mean, as a leader in the community, I know many, many people. Yet, only counted and "chosen" people know about my situation.

The other thing my statement does is that it really tells about my life. In reality, my life is much about immigration. In many ways, my immigration status defines much of what I can do. I think about it every day, which seems not to be the case for my white friends. I'm sure they would if they had someone really close who has to struggle with our broken system.

Here are some examples about how my status really limits me. If I wan to travel, I risk it. Getting a job, not an option really. Speaking out on immigration in a personal way, often times not feasible. Going dancing, limited since some places require state I.D.s, and most of my white friends do not go to clubs where I can go.

However, my status has not stopped me from doing many things. I am in college, and being in college is being liberated in many ways. I can continue my education after high school; I can become a leader; I can still play role in my community and not seclude to a life of fear; I am being educated in certain disciplines.

With that said, I think I can say that even though my life can be a really serious one, I still hold a sense of humor, which really helps me keep some sanity.

The Honorable P

Superheroes are aliens...

2009-08-10T12:58:00.001-07:00

So, I've been thinking about what are some of the things I should share with you in this blog. Even though I have yet to figure that out still, here is something I want you to know.

The other day I was with a friend and he asked why are immigrants consider "aliens." I said I had no idea about that, but it really sounds like a biblical term. Then, I really started thinking about that and came to the conclusion that we "aliens" are the koolest.

Here is my reasoning. Being an "alien" would constitute that we are not from here. For God's sake, an "alien" is not even from this world! And I guess being undocumented means I get more "alienized," even kooler, huh?

In any case, the U.S. has invented many superhero/ine stories, such as Superman, Spiderman, or Catwoman. We praise Superman; we have how many movies about him? Well, where did he come from? Not from earth that's for sure. He is the most alien thing I know! And yet, he was able to get a job, to get sort of a real life. I never found whether or not he even has a social security number! I mean, this dude is so way more alienized than me... and yet, even without a social security number, which is really what makes things a bit harder for me, Superman is an icon in our society.

Well, he does save the world, I'll give you that. But I am a real person and just as inspiring as he is. And I am trying to save the world too--I recycle ok? You should try it too.

My point is that being an "alien" is not as bad as you might think (in this sense)--we are the Supermen/Catwomen of our generation. I have endured so much that you could argue I have superpowers. Every time I fall, I stand up. Every time I am hurt, I cry and suffer pain, but I am strong; I usually overcome.

I still have to say that I don't like being referred to as an "alien." I am a real person, I assure you.

Hasta la vista humans.

- The Honorable P

Frustruation

2009-08-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have been struggling with being public or not. There are many opportunities for me to be engaged in shaping the debate about immigration and immigration reform. However, I also face great risks. Risks that could endanger my security and that of those around me.

I have been following the course of the DEAM Act for the past few years. There are various organizations working on this and I am grateful for them to be doing this kind of work. In so many ways I want to help. But then, signing a petition means I put my name or that I lie (like I am doing in this blog using a made-up sarcastic name). And of course, I cannot leave my trace of myself all over--that, again, can endanger me or those around me, who I have to say I love very much and I would be very heartbroken to lose again.

In addition, I have been following the story of the Jorge Alonso Chehade, who now faces deportation this Sept. 25, 2009. His success story has mean nothing to his case. And even today, August 6, 2009, another undocumented students is being deported.... I cannot in any way imagine the fear they must be confronting without much options. This really shows how meritocracy works for selected ones, which takes away the value of hard work.

I was about to call ICE and support Jorge. Was I really going to? Now that I think about it, I was, but opted not to. And I feel guilty. Guilty that I cannot help someone who is facing what I most dare. Guilty that I chose my safety for his. Guilty for fearing.

I am frustrated. I wish I could be of more help and I know that I can't. I am also sure that there are other cases just like Jorge's and that there is really little to safeguard them from the gates of hell, deportation to a place much unknown, where our families are not, where our friends are not, where our lives are not.

How I wish what we have accomplished through hard work here could be our safe gate. But by the examples of these young Americans being expelled from our grate country, there really seems to be that we live in the limbo, a life of fear, a life ruled and determined by others, a life not of our own. Their stories make me very sad. Today more than ever I wish an end to this would happen fast, unlike how politics work--I want this suffering to end.

I am saddened today.

The Honorable P

The path to college

2009-08-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about how I ended up in college. While I am not going to talk about the whole experience here, I will like to bring up a few things that happened through that journey, which was really a journey.

Last night I was talking to a friend who is in the same situation as me and we are both in college as well. She was telling me how her school "lost" me to where I go now. I remembered I had this weird experience at the college she now attends when I was deciding where I would go. I remember that I was trying to decide between her school and where I go now.

Obviously I made a choice and it was not her school, but the person I sort of worked with while checking out the school was pretty bumped up I did not go there. Now every time I see this person we both talk about it, which always brings me smiles. "We lost you to" your school she would say. I would close my eyes and put my head down and then laugh. Not to be cocky or anything here, but I was "wanted." I mean, two schools trying to get me, even in my situation, is pretty remarkable I have to say (and you have to agree).

My friend and I also talked about applying to college. We both shared a bit of similar experiences. We applied to schools we were interested in for many reasons and for the most part we got in most school, at least in MN. And even though we had more positive responses, the few negative ones really brought us down. Some times they were based on our status, other on financial aid, and other times because of ignorance.

Hearing good news from school was awesome, but there was just something about being rejected based on one little thing. Now that I think about it, it was like being Sonia Sotomayor in hearings and having the senators questions one thing that we are sure we would have changed if we had the chance. We were not being judged based on our credentials.

This really brought us down many times. I remember really doubting myself many times whenever that rejection knocked on my door. I remember writing how much work I had been putting in school and at the end it would be all worthless. I remember getting angry, upset to those around me when they really could not do anything. Why couldn't they do anything?! It was all so unfair! The last year of high school was very emotional, draining me of much of my enthusiasm.

But you know what, I made it, as my friend did, and as many have done it as well. No matter how many times we encountered drawbacks, we kept on. We might have doubted ourselves at some point, but our courage and willingness to make it to college did not waver. We are in college, and that is a fact. No one will take that away from us.

The Honorable P

A life of fear

2009-08-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

I just visited my family. I get to see them very often, or a lot more than most college students that is. Whenever I see them, I am reminded of why I want to make sure I get to see them often, why I am in college, and how much I love them. They are the shits.

However, this time I was home, two things happened. The first one was that I had to wait for someone inside our apartment to make sure they knew who it was coming in. This was strange since I had already told them I was coming. Though, I did not think much about it at that moment.

The second thing that happened was when I was told to lock the door later. I didn't think about locking it I guess. This might not be strange or anything, but what followed really intrigues me. After I locked the door, the "reason" why to lock it became clear. Apparently, the other day early on the morning, someone rang the door at my family's to get into the building. Later in the day, they found out some police had been waiting for someone within the building (no idea who nor why); two weeks later, someone was taken from their house by immigration agents.

Now, we had heard stories of people being taken by immigration all the time. We had never heard stories of someone being taken from our own building. And even before this happened, my family always made comments about immigration--don't go here or there, or immigrations is going to take you, etc. Now, such comments are more constant.

I had never really paid much attention to these comments. To attest to that, this Spring I was in the crowd, by mistake (not really), during an anti-tax rally in St. Paul where the MN governor spoke. I almost made it into the RNC last year! Though, there I paid attention to not get into the wlof''s mouth. For the most part, if throughout my life I had actually paid attention to such comments of fear, I probably would have a 9th grade education, be working in construction or in a fast food restaurant, and really live in constant fear.

The Honorable P at a MN anti-tax rally.
The Honorable P, 2009

At the same time, when I heard why to close the door right away someone comes or leaves, I hear a lot more. I hear the fear my family lives every single day. I heard the fear children are instilled through the lives of their parents. I heard the fear of many for they don't want their families to be relocated and separated again. I heard the cry for an end to this fear.

For once, I was fearful. I fear more than ever that one day I might come back home and my family is gone. I fear that my family could be split, again. I fear that once again I would lose my innocence to tragedy. I fear that this fear will take over my willingness to fear no more.

-The Honorable P

Warning you

2009-07-31T00:14:00.000-07:00

My name is Puck Fawlenty.

I am a charismatic, intelligent, educated, Minnesotan, humorous, and good looking guy. Oh, and I happen to be undocumented in the United States of America.

Not to put you in the spot, but I really wonder why you are reading this. Is it because you are trying to "understand" what it means to be an undocumented person in the U.S.? Well, you ain't getting that from me baby. I am so much more than that. Through being here, you will learn about a real person, someone who makes mistakes (not me of course) and some times gets things right.

I do have a very loving family, as I am sure many of you do as well. We of course have our things going, but ultimately we are a family, and we only get one--unless you live double lives, which I've heard isn't healthy.

I live a normal life, unless you bring up that about being undocumented. Then really, things get interesting. I try not to think about that since I am more than that, but in so many ways, my life revolves around that fact. Sometimes I dream about it. I dream horrible things, things that have already happened and things I dare imagine happen.

Person, please be advised that sometimes my life story is going to make you laugh, stir you feelings, tear you apart, is going to break your heart that you will wish you had never started reading this. Of course, I am just kidding--my life can be awesome!

With that half-jokingly warning, I will let you into my life even if I never know you were here, even if you go undocumented.

-The Honorable P