By now friends I graduated with are all over the state working. Some got jobs abroad. Some are going to graduate school.
I am sitting at home. I am sitting at home writing about my post-graduation life. It does not include applying for jobs I would love to do or to go abroad. I couldn't; they want a 9-digit number I do not have. And they won't take my 9-digit number called ITN.
When I was in college, I struggled with many things, but did not struggle with knowing that I was going to graduate. Oh no. I knew I was going to graduate. It took so much work from so many people and myself, that not graduating was not an option. I never got in trouble, tried to stay away from it, did all I wanted to do academically (except for traveling outside the U.S.)--I worked at the MN Capitol, met many politicians, visited many states, interned for many organizations, did research, was a leader on campus and outside--and I had many connections. I mean, I had it going. I was going places. And people told me that.
When I was about to graduate, I wasn't worrying about what came next. I mean, I was Puck! Puck Fawlenty! No one could stop me. I knew people. I knew how to get what I wanted and I never stopped. I knew I had something after college. Not finding something I wanted to do was not an option. I as Puck. Puck Fawlenty.
Then, weeks passed and I couldn't land a thing. I applied to places and some told me because they knew my status they could not hire me. I did not want to apply to graduate school because I was told funding for that was going to be harder to get and without a job and access to loans, I just could not afford it. I was growing desperate. I started applying to jobs that did not require a degree, like mowing lawns, construction with certain companies, restaurants--no one would hire me. One, I did not know someone at this places, so I didn't have an in there. Others told me I was too qualified. My fault was sending my college resume. What else was I supposed to send?! I didn't have construction work experience or the like. I had focused so much in getting "higher-skilled" experience.
Late June my diploma arrived. I had a mix-feeling about it. I was very glad to have been able to finish school (and was a little tired of it at the end--academia can burn one out too). Actually, I was really proud of myself for finishing! Despite all the obstacles on my way, with great assistance, I made it all the way and I graduated. But I was still unable to do anything with my diploma/degree. I know many people are struggling with finding jobs and in some way that could just be my case. At the same time because of all that I had done (hence, I have an awesome resume!), it cannot just be that I cannot land a job because of the economy. It is about my status and not about my capabilities. I decided that I am not going to open the envelope that contains my diploma until i can actually use the degree.
Late June too I had a freak-out moment and ended up requesting work where some of the men in my family work. So, the next day I went to work. Got up at 5:30am and went to work in a tremendous heat. I came back home late at night. And every day was the same: long hours, hard work, a suffocating heat, sometimes no time to eat all day, and there was the risk of getting pulled over for driving to and from work. It was stressful.
Some of the white males who worked there warned me to not get sucked into that job. They told me about the injuries they've suffered and the health problems they have. I hear about that from people in my family too. Some August I stopped working there. And now I am here, writing about how much I would like to find something that uses my skills and talents. Being Puck has not served much.
I don't want to be depending on someone else. Now that savings are running low and that I do not want to be depending on someone else because of my ego, I am probably going to end up doing the work I could have been doing back in high school. But I'll have a degree.
Now to know how disappointed I am is the saddest part of all. I went around talking to people about going to college and why people should--at the end of the day, people want to know that after college there is something. And right now there is nothing. I don't want to tell people that. I don't want people to know that yet again we are being used, being played with our future.
I am just glad I am in MN, with my family and people I love. While things are not what I want them to be in terms of career and work, I would not change anything about what I currently have.
For now I am volunteering my life away. I like doing all these things I am doing. I just want something that would pay me, something that I like to do. The problem is not not finding something to do, but it is something that I want to do that will pay me--immigration status, something that defines much of what I can and cannot do, is once again taking its toll on me. I am optimistic that soon I will find something great!
I just hope that opening that envelope does not take too long.
