Life Post-Graduation: a sealed envelope

I graduated last May. I graduated with honors, with an awesome resume, with great professional experience, and a very good network of people in the workforce and community.

By now friends I graduated with are all over the state working. Some got jobs abroad. Some are going to graduate school.

I am sitting at home. I am sitting at home writing about my post-graduation life. It does not include applying for jobs I would love to do or to go abroad. I couldn't; they want a 9-digit number I do not have. And they won't take my 9-digit number called ITN.

When I was in college, I struggled with many things, but did not struggle with knowing that I was going to graduate. Oh no. I knew I was going to graduate. It took so much work from so many people and myself, that not graduating was not an option. I never got in trouble, tried to stay away from it, did all I wanted to do academically (except for traveling outside the U.S.)--I worked at the MN Capitol, met many politicians, visited many states, interned for many organizations, did research, was a leader on campus and outside--and I had many connections. I mean, I had it going. I was going places. And people told me that.

When I was about to graduate, I wasn't worrying about what came next. I mean, I was Puck! Puck Fawlenty! No one could stop me. I knew people. I knew how to get what I wanted and I never stopped. I knew I had something after college. Not finding something I wanted to do was not an option. I as Puck. Puck Fawlenty.

Then, weeks passed and I couldn't land a thing. I applied to places and some told me because they knew my status they could not hire me. I did not want to apply to graduate school because I was told funding for that was going to be harder to get and without a job and access to loans, I just could not afford it. I was growing desperate. I started applying to jobs that did not require a degree, like mowing lawns, construction with certain companies, restaurants--no one would hire me. One, I did not know someone at this places, so I didn't have an in there. Others told me I was too qualified. My fault was sending my college resume. What else was I supposed to send?! I didn't have construction work experience or the like. I had focused so much in getting "higher-skilled" experience.

Late June my diploma arrived. I had a mix-feeling about it. I was very glad to have been able to finish school (and was a little tired of it at the end--academia can burn one out too). Actually, I was really proud of myself for finishing! Despite all the obstacles on my way, with great assistance, I made it all the way and I graduated. But I was still unable to do anything with my diploma/degree. I know many people are struggling with finding jobs and in some way that could just be my case. At the same time because of all that I had done (hence, I have an awesome resume!), it cannot just be that I cannot land a job because of the economy. It is about my status and not about my capabilities. I decided that I am not going to open the envelope that contains my diploma until i can actually use the degree.

Late June too I had a freak-out moment and ended up requesting work where some of the men in my family work. So, the next day I went to work. Got up at 5:30am and went to work in a tremendous heat. I came back home late at night. And every day was the same: long hours, hard work, a suffocating heat, sometimes no time to eat all day, and there was the risk of getting pulled over for driving to and from work. It was stressful.

Some of the white males who worked there warned me to not get sucked into that job. They told me about the injuries they've suffered and the health problems they have. I hear about that from people in my family too. Some August I stopped working there. And now I am here, writing about how much I would like to find something that uses my skills and talents. Being Puck has not served much.

I don't want to be depending on someone else. Now that savings are running low and that I do not want to be depending on someone else because of my ego, I am probably going to end up doing the work I could have been doing back in high school. But I'll have a degree.

Now to know how disappointed I am is the saddest part of all. I went around talking to people about going to college and why people should--at the end of the day, people want to know that after college there is something. And right now there is nothing. I don't want to tell people that. I don't want people to know that yet again we are being used, being played with our future.

I am just glad I am in MN, with my family and people I love. While things are not what I want them to be in terms of career and work, I would not change anything about what I currently have.

For now I am volunteering my life away. I like doing all these things I am doing. I just want something that would pay me, something that I like to do. The problem is not not finding something to do, but it is something that I want to do that will pay me--immigration status, something that defines much of what I can and cannot do, is once again taking its toll on me. I am optimistic that soon I will find something great!

I just hope that opening that envelope does not take too long.

Class on Immigration/Me

So, this year I found there is a class offered about immigration. I decided to take it.

What has been interesting all long thus far has been the fact that often times I hear comments criminalizing my being. Other times I hear comments that I feel they are talking about me. It's an agonizing feeling.

Part of me wants to talk all the time because I feel like I want to make others think about immigration in other ways. But another part of me says that I am there to learn not to teach, so I should not be the one trying to teach anything to anyone. It's complicated.

Another part of me wants to leave this class.

Food for thought I guess.

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

NAVIGATE: resources for MN undocumented students

Recently there has been an increase in the need for information for undocumented students. While there are many organizations working for immigrants and immigration reform, there has been little focus on students. There is one organization working for the needs of students to access all public schools, but it does not do much to inform students about the possibilities of today.

NAVIGATE, a student-led organization, is the only group that is trying to address the need for correct, Minnesota and student focused information. What is interesting too is that the students do public speaking, where safe of course, about once a week! Remarkable. There are also written documents for students to learn how to navigate the process to college in MN. And the group is also about to publish a guide for undocumented students in MN!

Here's a pamphlet that they have. The website is not working for some reason, but they have some good information there. I hope it is just a temporary thing.

All the information is free. They do presentations on college access to students, families, and those working with them such as teachers, counselors, community leaders.

The group can easily be reached: team@navigatemn.org. Props to students!

The Honorable Puck

Undocumented people saving MN's congressional seats

So, there has been a lot of talking in MN about how we might lose one of our congressional districts. Well, I say, "Fear no more. We will save yo'all." Really, without joking, if we count everyone in MN, we are not going to lose any congressional district. I would hate to see Keith Ellison's district get reshaped or have Michele Bachmann represent me (now that would be funny) if where I live becomes part of her district. Obviously I don't want this to happen (Michele Bachmann needs to go anyways).

In total seriousness, if we count EVERYONE, we will be fine. And I mean IF WE COUNT UNDOCUMENTED MN RESIDENTS TOO. I am getting counted. I am making everyone know that they need to get counted. There has been little work around this, but I never shot my mouth, so people I come in contact are hearing it from me. My family is getting counted for sure. Supposedly adding 7,000 people in the state could make the diference between having seven or eight seats." Ummm, we got it covered. There are enough undocumented people who haven't been counted yet.

MN Congressional peeps, we undocumented people of MN got your back. We will get counted, save one of you your job and hopefully you keep us in mind when they make decisions concerning our future. People want us to get counted, look at this headline: Census 2010: Undocumented immigrants are urged to stand up and be counted.

Minnesota undocumented people to the rescue of MN congressional districts!

Need info, go here.

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

A first MN winter story

Today I just felt like writing, but I have no ideas right now. Maybe something will come to my mind as I think about stuff.

Oh wait, I have something!

The other day, maybe in February, it had snowed and the ice under had been covered. There was no way to see the ice. As I was walking to work I slipped on the ice, my phone and iPod flew high and then hit the ground as I hit the ground too. It was on campus. I was a little embarrassed I have to admit. I picked my phone and iPod and kept walking, snow all over my back and I knew some people were gazing at me. I kept walking.

A block away or two from my falling, the thought that came to mind brought me back to my first winter in Minnesota (years ago!). I remember that during the first snow flakes falling my mom would say it would look really pretty outside and that I was going to love it here. It was really cold I remember, but I was this rebel kid who would pretend it was not cold and did not wear a sweater until like December, when it was below zero. My family would always say something about that.... Though, besides saying that it would be pretty outside once it really snowed, my mom warned me to not fall. Because if I fell, that would mean that I would not leave the U.S. for at least 7 years. "7 years?! I don't want to be here 7 years!" I would say and think to myself.

It did not take long for me to fall. If I remember correctly, I fell going to school. I got up and pretended like nothing happened (yeah talk about repressing feelings). Later that day I admitted to my family that I had in fact fallen, but that I did not want to stay here 7 years! I wanted to see my siblings and friends back where I was born, and I wanted to be where I spoke the language and I wanted to go to a school where people spoke my language and I wanted to not stay here for 7 years!

My cousin laughed and said he had fallen his first winter and he is still here. Then my mom told a story about when she fell. My aunt then described here odyssey falling by a moving car.... She laughs about it now! Then everyone is talking about falling and how it happened to them. Then they told me to not be pretentious. Fine, I said.

And I am still here. It has been more than 7 years. I still want to see the rest of my family I haven't been able to see for so long! There are even new members and I would really like to meet them! Phone calls, I hate the phone calls. I want to see them! I am not sure 'friends' are still there. I lost touch with everyone. One of my relatives always talks about seeing this person or that person, and sometimes I don't even remember who they are. I long for the day I get to see them.

I know that I am not leaving soon either. I know I just fell this year, which means 7 more years (supposedly). But the reality is that I live here, my family is here, my friends are here, my schooling is and will be here, and in reality, everything I really know is here. I grew up here. I want to stay here. I would like to visit where I came from, but I believe this to be my home today. I don't want to start all over again.

I do yearn for the day to be able to come out of the shadows. I hope it does not take a falling every 7 years during winter then so that I get to stay here. MN is my home state, and I love it here!

Seeking a Wife

A few months ago I met with a lawyer to talk about my immigration situation. I went in sort of knowing what I was going to hear. There are really not many options for me to get my permanent residency aside from a few options.

One of those options is that I become a victim of a gross crime. That is probably not going to happen, hopefully. Or I am part of a natural disaster. And I hope that does not happen. I hope our bridges stay put for ever and ever, so lets keep funding them for sure.

Marriage is another option. One, I do not want to get married now. For some time people, including my family, had been telling me that I should just marry someone who is a U.S. citizen. So it cannot be anyone else, I am limited. I had considered this before, but I opted out because if I marry, I want it to be because I fall in love and become committed to this one person. I do have traditional views on marriage. But what if I fall in love with someone who looks like me, someone who pees standing like me? Does my love and commitment to this person also by default ensure me what the marriage recognized by the Federal Government ensures those who get married to a U.S. citizen?

I was at this student conference a few years ago and someone said that we should just get married. It worked for this person. My concern was that it is something that works for someone, but not for everyone. Those part of the LGBT community are kept out of this process. Even if the idea that love is our solution, it is only a limited and restricted one.

Today I was reminded about this marriage idea. I always think about it in a satirical way because it is just the most ironic thing that marriage could be my only feasible solution. So when I was on the net earlier I saw this article that mocks the idea that our only option is marriage.

While I am sure some people do it because they believe in marriage and because they are committed to each other, we also need to recognize that many are not going to be able to do this for many other reasons. It is not a viable solution and it should not be the solution.

The other option to solve my immigration troubles is to solve and correct the immigration system. In the mean time I am going to go and work out my courting skills and see if I catch some U.S. citizen to marry me :)

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty

Coming Out: An Undocumented Movement

“Brothers and Sisters, you must come out! come out to your parents, come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends, come out to your neighbors, come out to your fellow workers. Once and for all, let’s break down the myth and destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake, for their sake. For the sake of all the youngsters who’ve been scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene. On the Statue of Liberty it says ‘ Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free.’ In the Declaration of Independence it is written, ‘All men are created equal and endowed with certain unalienable rights.’ For Mr. Briggs and Mrs. Bryant and all the bigots out there, no matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words from the Declaration of Independence! No matter how hard you try you can never chip those words from the base of the Statue of Liberty! That is where America is!”

-Harvey Milk

For some time now I have been dwelling with the idea of coming out.

And I mean coming out in the sense in which it is used by the LGBT community. The idea that one is forced to not hide certain characteristics of oneself in order to avoid others from discriminating you. This fact is so prevalent in my life. Only counted individuals know that I am undocumented. In reality, I do not tell people because I am afraid my friends might target me, especially in school.

Often times I feel that I just have many imaginary friends. This I say because certain comments some of my 'friends' make me shake at points. Sometimes I try to refute their stance without really coming out to them, without really revealing that if the nation were to apply some of the policies they believe would great, I would be a victim, that I would fall captive of their ideas. And I mean captive in a literal sense.

At points I really feel that if I came out to these friends they will be more sympathetic towards me and towards advocating for laws that would potentially benefit me and in retrospect keep me here, where I want to stay, as their friend. I believe that when you come out to others, they are more likely to be with you at any cost even if their views did not align with such believes before. I also believe in the power of stories and in the human spirit and that we make connections through our humanity.

However, coming out is scary. I dread the day I come out to those close to me who do not know I am undocumented. I dread this day because I have no idea what I am supposed to say. I have no idea how they would react and I have no idea what happens next. Sometimes living in the shadows, as I have since I reunited with my family here in the state, is the way I should live because coming out means confronting my biggest fear: finding out that some of my friends would give me up to immigration. I dread jail, I have said that before. I DREAD BEING BEHIND BARS, then leaving my family, separating from my family, not finishing school, leaving all my friends behind, leaving mostly everything I know behind, leaving the place I call home behind.

Next week there are these students from Illinois coming out to the world. While some of us are sometimes forced to come out because something drastic happens, these students are taking the streets to protest the fear we live everyday. They are standing up for the rest of us; They are standing up for all of us (including the documented community because you and I are as important for the integrity of this society. Without you or me we are not a whole). They want to bring up the silent raids the Obama Administration is conduction, raids done in our homes, in the dark, in silence. But just as painful as raids during daylight or in front of everyone. These students want to say, "Enough is enough. Here, arrest us! Do it in front of everyone, remove us, intelligent and bright students, from making any further contribution to this our country! Do it in public while everyone is watching."

I commend these students. They are bold and courageous. I fear for them. I feel for them. I pain for them. It takes a lot to come out, it certainly does. I do hope them the best.

Here is where I am with my coming out today: I will only come out if it gets us votes. I believe that we need to pressure the Administration, but without the votes from the states, we will not go far. The question now is how do we get those votes in MN (I live in Minnesota, so I am limited to this state votes). A very detailed analysis of each MN Congresspersons should be a good start. I am sure intelligent Michele Bachmann is not going to vote for the DREAM Act or Comprehensive Immigration Reform. But who would?

The Honorable Puck Fawlenty