A life of fear

I just visited my family. I get to see them very often, or a lot more than most college students that is. Whenever I see them, I am reminded of why I want to make sure I get to see them often, why I am in college, and how much I love them. They are the shits.

However, this time I was home, two things happened. The first one was that I had to wait for someone inside our apartment to make sure they knew who it was coming in. This was strange since I had already told them I was coming. Though, I did not think much about it at that moment.

The second thing that happened was when I was told to lock the door later. I didn't think about locking it I guess. This might not be strange or anything, but what followed really intrigues me. After I locked the door, the "reason" why to lock it became clear. Apparently, the other day early on the morning, someone rang the door at my family's to get into the building. Later in the day, they found out some police had been waiting for someone within the building (no idea who nor why); two weeks later, someone was taken from their house by immigration agents.

Now, we had heard stories of people being taken by immigration all the time. We had never heard stories of someone being taken from our own building. And even before this happened, my family always made comments about immigration--don't go here or there, or immigrations is going to take you, etc. Now, such comments are more constant.

I had never really paid much attention to these comments. To attest to that, this Spring I was in the crowd, by mistake (not really), during an anti-tax rally in St. Paul where the MN governor spoke. I almost made it into the RNC last year! Though, there I paid attention to not get into the wlof''s mouth. For the most part, if throughout my life I had actually paid attention to such comments of fear, I probably would have a 9th grade education, be working in construction or in a fast food restaurant, and really live in constant fear.

The Honorable P at a MN anti-tax rally.
The Honorable P, 2009

At the same time, when I heard why to close the door right away someone comes or leaves, I hear a lot more. I hear the fear my family lives every single day. I heard the fear children are instilled through the lives of their parents. I heard the fear of many for they don't want their families to be relocated and separated again. I heard the cry for an end to this fear.

For once, I was fearful. I fear more than ever that one day I might come back home and my family is gone. I fear that my family could be split, again. I fear that once again I would lose my innocence to tragedy. I fear that this fear will take over my willingness to fear no more.

-The Honorable P